Sweet Dreams?

Once in a while, a topic comes across my desk that’s so controversial, I wonder if I should risk the firestorm it’ll cause should I expose it to my readership. This is the sort of thing that divides households, creates jealousy, and spawns misunderstandings. I am a slave to my craft, however, so I feel compelled to bring this subject into the light and let the pillows fall where they may. I’m giving you fair warning, folks. This is a big one.

Are you a napper?

I know, I know, how dare I ask this dreaded question, one that’s so divisive, and perhaps even cruel? It’s my quest for the truth, you see. I just have to know which end of the comfy couch you reside on.

On the one side, there are those who can nap at any given time of the day. Give them a couch, chair, square of carpet, or a convenient wall to lean against, and they’re out like a light. Naps to these folks are effortless snatches of time to sink into unconsciousness and emerge twenty minutes later, refreshed and ready to take on the balance of the day. Nappers look forward to feeling a little drowsy on Saturday and Sunday afternoons, knowing all they need is a semi-soft surface and a moment of silence to drift off. They actually mark this time on their day planners each week. It’s become a part of their routine, nice and easy-breezy. Ahhhh, heaven.

Then, there are the folks staring daggers at those people right now. They’re the ones whose brains never shut off, and who can barely sleep at night, never mind during some clearly unsanctioned slice of daylight time. Don’t get me wrong, they’d give up their favorite fluffy teddy bear to be able to get a few non-nighttime winks, but it’s never going to happen. Whenever they do recline on the sofa and close their peepers, hoping against all hope that this one time their gray matter might let them doze for a few minutes after lunchtime, the cerebral juggling act commences...

“Hey, how about that to-do list, huh? That’s a doozy. Did you remember to pick up laundry detergent at the market? I wonder if Timmy took out the trash. Is that a mouse scratching around in the wall? I can’t believe the Red Sox lost last night. Crap, did I remember to take my probiotic this morning? I need to get the lawn mowed later. This couch is so lumpy. Probably should go to Jordan’s furniture to get a new one. Whatever happened to Barry, anyway? He and Elliot made great commercials. I mean, Elliot is good by himself, but the two of them together were perfect. Much better than Bob from Bob’s Furniture. Man, that guy. I wonder if the lilacs will bloom this weekend. Totally should have pruned them last fall. Stupid squirrels got into the bird feeder again. Maybe I should get a cat. I hate those litter boxes, though. Ugh, I have that meeting first thing Monday morning. Stupid Karen expects us all to come up with new ideas for increasing sales. Maybe if we weren’t going to these useless meetings, we’d get some work done. Oh, just thought of a great idea for a blog post. I need to get up and write that down. Can’t sleep anyway...”

Lastly, there are special folks like me, who not only nap when they want to, they do so when they aren’t even trying, or when they really, really should keep their eyes open. My wife and family are nodding their heads vigorously at this statement, since they’ve all witnessed my many moments of near-narcolepsy through the decades. I’ll provide the rest of you a list, so you can see how deep this insanity goes. I, of course, blame my momma for this napping ability. Let’s just say the apple didn’t roll far from that particular tree 😊

Dave’s preferred sleeping spots through the years

· Standing up.

· At a loud rock concert.

· In the middle of a conversation (many times).

· Behind the wheel of multiple vehicles. (This has improved, thankfully).

· At the kitchen table, while playing cards with several other people.

· While rewinding a recorded show (after having fallen asleep during the show, requiring the rewinding in the first place).

· On my way to bed at night.

· While saying the words “good night.”

· In a deer stand, twenty feet off the ground (I’m grateful for my safety strap).

· Seated behind my desk at work (Thankfully in a secluded office).

· Reading a book.

· Typing on my computer.

Phew! All this talk about napping is making me tired. I need to sign off and go grab a few winks.

I hope this week’s post hasn’t sparked any ages-old arguments with your people, and has instead made you chuckle. And I’d love it if you’d wander over to my Facebook page (NHwriter) and continue this discussion. I’m always fascinated by your perspectives, after all.

Until next week, friends. Sleep well, and whatever you are be a good one!

-Dave