Find everything okay?
Grocery shopping.
Those two words mean something different to everyone. For some, it’s a necessary, dreaded chore, trudging along hand-in-hand with the never-ending question: “What’s for dinner?” For others, it’s an anticipated weekly routine, a chance to get out of the house and socialize, while filling the cupboards with sustenance.
As for myself, I enjoy grocery shopping. I have a list, I’ve memorized the aisles, and the bakery section always smells amazing. Aside from checking ingredients for allergens, it’s a cut-and-dry process…most times. One does have to be careful which days one does said shopping. I’ve learned the hard way about tackling this chore during such times as:
Saturdays, after 10 a.m.
After Sunday church services
The day of a major sporting event
Right before a holiday
Any day when I’m hangry
Other minor challenges include weaving around store personnel restocking shelves, waiting for my deli number to be called, and the blockades created by socializing shoppers, but I can deal with them easily enough.
While I’m not a particularly social shopper (I’m pleasant to folks, just not chatty) I do enjoy observing my fellow shoppers as I make my selections, and here is where we arrive at the meat and potatoes of this week’s blog post. Join me if you will, and I welcome your unique perspective in the comments box below.
Much like the shopping list I keep on my phone, I have organized my thoughts into several shopper categories. Which one(s) do you fall within?
The Solo Shopper
First Timer
Hey, there’s a first time for everything, right? I remember perusing the aisles, thinking how easy―and cheap―living on my own was going to be. Mac-n-cheese was 5 boxes for a dollar and chicken noodle soup was likewise inexpensive. Add a loaf of bread for a couple bucks and what more could I possibly need?
Young Adult
Yeah, now you realize what you really need to fill your pantry, do your laundry, clean the place, and take care of your personal hygiene. And your meal choices need to change also, particularly if you’re dating and want to impress that significant someone with something other than Campbell’s du jour.
Married Adult
These folks have decided to divide and conquer the weekly chores, and have either selected this duty willingly or drawn the short straw. They tend to weave around the store and make most decisions faster. Any ambiguous choices do require the text back to base, but those instances can be minimized with a properly prepared shopping list.
Divorced Adult
This one is equal parts depressing and liberating. Depressing, since you’re now only shopping for yourself, yet liberating, since you can buy whatever-the-hell-kind-of-damn-ice-cream-you-want. And there is generally more of said ice cream and maybe some wine landing in your cart to help you get over the depressing part. Chocolate doesn’t hurt either. You’ve got this!
Three College Guys
Dude! We’re here, unshaven, with ball caps on backwards, wearing mis-matched t-shirts, shorts, and sandals. The cart is piled with soda, chips, Slim Jims, donuts, frozen pizza, and a couple of those rotisserie chickens. We’ll hide our insecurity behind tasteless jokes, particularly in the personal hygiene aisle. One of us will feel like the proverbial third wheel and try to act cooler than we feel. None of us are legal, but we’ll still try to buy that six-pack and hope our scruffy beards make us look old enough. It’s all about freedom to do what the hell we want, but having no idea what we’re doing. Whatever, dude.
Three College Gals
Let’s do this! Teamwork and can-do attitudes will get this thing done. We’ll pick up sensible foods from all the right groups. Chocolate is a food group, right? We’re in hoodies, sweatpants, flip-flops, and possibly pjs. Quick up-dos control our bed-head hair. Modesty gets pushed aside when we get to the hygiene aisle. We’re all in the same boat, sister. And we’re not here to socialize, though we notice everything and everyone. It’s not our intention to eavesdrop, but we do catch all the conversations and catalog them to discuss later over drinks. Speaking of which, we’ll sneak in a bottle of wine and hope we pass for twenty-one. In case that doesn’t work, we’ll pick up mixers for the party later, since someone always comes through. Time in the checkout lane is spent perusing the splashy magazine covers. Then, it’s into the car and back to campus to get ready for the upcoming night’s activities. We’ve totally got this.
Couple Shopping
Alrighty then. You’ve both decided to include grocery shopping as part of your together time. What fun! Sure, it takes longer, since you need to confirm Every Single Choice with each other, and yeah, there are arguments over which tortilla chips are the best, and there’s a high probability that one of you really doesn’t want to be there, but hey, you’re bonding, right? Oh, and let’s not get started on which checkout lane is going to be the fastest, smarty-pants! Such a special time.
Mother Shopping With Kids
Okay, after you’ve extricated the excited/crying/screaming brood from the SUV, here’s what’s going to happen next:
You’ve got to corral the toddlers before they run off to all the shiny sugar aisles, while you peel the baby off your hip and struggle to get their wiggly little legs through those two holes in the top basket so they can ride along. Depending on how many toddlers you have, one or more may want to/need to ride in the cart. While this does mitigate the store’s destruction, it also limits the amount of groceries you can fit into said cart.
Some stores had the genius idea of having a few of those race car carts available, which is great in theory. The kids get to ride along making all the requisite vroom-vroom noises, while the business end of the shopping cart is free to hold your groceries. The in theory part comes when you’ve got more than one kid who wants to drive said car, followed by the requisite screaming/tantrums/meltdowns until you abandon the race car on the side of the road and stick with the standard cart option.
At least the folks at the deli and bakery understand your plight, and offer free slices of cheese and little cookies for the rapscallions to munch on, offering you a brief respite as you hurriedly fill the cart with the necessities. And for those of you moms with only one child accompanying you on your shopping adventure, don’t think you’re in the clear. The moment you drop your guard, you’ve got a dozen eggs, dropped one-at-a-time, splattered throughout the store. “Cleanup on aisles one through eight!” Then comes all the colorful temptations within the checkout lane, and loading all the tired/crying/screaming kids and groceries into the SUV for the blessed return trip home. Wait, did you pick up the wine, chocolate, and bubble bath?
Father Shopping With Kids
Lookout, Daddy is in the house! He’ll snatch an empty cart in the parking lot, throw the kids into said cart, and race the whole lot into the store with all the vroom-vroom and tire squealing to go along with the mad dash. Once inside, it’s all business, and who needs a stinking grocery list? He’ll show up in the checkout lane with chips, beer, beef jerky, and only half the things he was supposed to get. The kids are on a sugar rush from the bag of cookies he opened for them as soon as he entered the establishment, and it’s another thrilling zoom ride back to the SUV, where he throws everything and everyone into the rig before lining up the empty cart as if he’s on the Canadian Curling team and shoving it toward the cart corral to listen to the satisfying crash when it hits home. Nailed it!
Later, after arriving home and debarking, he is sent back to the market―alone―with a very specific list, written all in caps. He is instructed not to bother returning without the exact entries therein.
Empty-Nesters
We’re not sure where we are without the extra mouths at home, so we still buy the same amount of food, and the same choices. This means we’ll eat a lot of sugary cereal and pizza until we adjust. Once we do acclimate to our re-formed twosome, we’ll realize we don’t need to have all those options for our picky protégés, and we can buy what we want. That may very well mean sugary cereal and pizza, but it will be the kind we like, ha-ha! And we might start making two or three smaller shopping trips per week, instead of one big one, but we’ll get there. Of course, we keep the freezer packed with things the kids like, for when they come back for breaks from college or other occasional visits. Hey, we’re bound to get some things wrong, but our partnership is strong, and we’ll figure it out.
Widow/Widower Shopping For One
Similar to the Empty-Nesters, it takes a while to get the grocery quantity right after cooking for two for so long. The focus shifts to more ready-to-eat meals, since they’re available in single servings and are easier. We might try some things our dearly departed never cared for, though we’ll have mixed feelings over that. Our trips to the market might include more socializing than before, since it’s good to get out of that quiet house. Drawing energy from all the aforementioned shopper categories will help us to feel more alive. At least we have the kids and grandkids to shop for when they come over for the occasional Sunday meal, and we smile as we gather their favorites. Appreciating the little things holds more importance than ever, and making memories never gets old.
Well, that circles the grocery cart wagon train, folks. I hope you’ve enjoyed perusing the categories. If you’ve laughed, gotten thoughtful, and otherwise come away with a new perspective, then I have done my job.
Thanks for your continued readership support, and until next week, whatever you are, be sure to check be a good one off your list!
-Dave
