Random & Ridiculous Rants

Happy 2.5 weeks until spring, people! And, before I get into the less-serious topics today, remember to set your clocks forward one hour on March 9th, for that lovely daylight savings time thingy.

End of PSA.

Start of Rant:

Supposably!

Yes, you read that correct. I just misspelled supposedly, and I didn’t even need that little red underline scolding from Microsoft Word to tell me this, since (gasp!) I did so on purpose.

I do not consider myself an officer within the Grammar Police ranks, though I do appreciate proper spelling and pronunciation. I am also guilty of grammatical errors at times, so I’m trying not to be hypocritical, but there are some misuses that do nip at my psyche. And while I have corrected my share of egregious word usage within my family, friend, and work circles, I have matured over the years (my recent literally blog rant notwithstanding), since some folks don’t like being constantly corrected for some reason. Weird.

Anyway, due to my newfound VCR (vocabulary correction restraint), I need to vent my frustration somewhere, so here we arrive at my weekly blog, my safe space, a place where anything I say is aimed at no single person in particular. That being said, you know who you are.

There is no “b” in supposedly! Time and again, I’ve heard folks say things like: “Supposably, I need to do a better job mowing the lawn” or “That brand of tire supposably lasts longer than the others. Supposably.” I mean, do you also say “That’s supposeb to be a better tire.” Or “I’m supposeb to mow the lawn better.”? No! So why do you substitute “ab” for the “ed” in supposedly? I’ve even proclaimed both spellings aloud, yet find neither easier to pronounce than the other.

Is it a product of upbringing, or perhaps slang picked up on the mean streets of suburbia? We may never know, but trust me, this is one of those gateway mispronunciations that gets folks hooked on other misuses, like unthawed (For taking something out of the freezer to thaw out), or should of (Instead of should’ve). Let’s clean up our streets and make this a better place to converse, people. We owe it to the children!

Moving on to my next supposedly ridiculous rant.

Twist ties

If you’re like me―and I’m so sorry if you are―you’ve encountered items you don’t really need, but hate to waste, or throw away. Yes, I’m talking about twist ties. You know, those short sections of thin wire encased in plastic? They come in all sorts of colors and various lengths, and they help to restrain everything from USB cables to toys within cardboard packages to trash bags.

The latter is likely the biggest culprit, at least for me. Again, not wanting to waste things, I always tie up my trash bags without the use of the two dozen twist ties that come in each box of bags, meant for that very purpose. These tidy rows of interconnected ties end up in the kitchen catch-all (junk) drawer, piled atop their wiry siblings. This tidy stack differs from their wilder, already-used cousins thrown in there haphazardly with them, after being untwisted from bread bags, cables, and that stuffed animal you got for your niece, that for some reason needed to be restrained within its cardboard carrier by several lengths of wire snaked throughout the box, requiring a tool kit, bandages, and some ibuprofen to free the darn thing from its confines (the stuffed animal, not the niece).

So, what to do with all these twist ties? I suppose I could save them up, in case I need to fashion an inefficient wiry rope to escape a house fire one day. Or, maybe I could painstakingly strip the metal from each one and bring the resulting pile to the local recycling center and turn these little devils into cash? Perhaps, like those folks who build amazing structures with match sticks and toothpicks, I could sort the ties by color and create little twisty sculptures and display them at a local art gallery. I wonder if there’s some sort of entry in the Guinness Book of World Records I could aspire to eclipse with my collection of colorful wires, hmm…

Well, whatever their final usage, I certainly can’t throw them away, since I might be able to use them…someday. Of course, I also said that about those little plastic circles sporting three plastic legs from the pizza boxes, yet I digress.

QR codes

Yep, our world is full of these confusing little black & white squares, all meant to make our lives easier, or more accurately, make someone else’s life easier―and more profitable. Indeed, everything from restaurant menus to location directions to instructions for any number of gadgets and life hacks. Hey, why bother with all those helpful, pre-written instructions, menus, and more when you can aim your smart phone at these little squares and be directed to the information you need?

Where has all the customer service gone? I mean, what do we need those smiling restaurant servers for anymore? Now, when you get seated, a person walks over and points to a little black-and-white square stuck to the table and says, “Just scan that QR code and view our menu, then I’ll be back to take your order.” Why don’t we just take that next logical step and order food and drink direct from our phone, then have one of those little Amazon robot thingies―displaying the name Angela or Robert on their friendly little screen―deliver it to our table? While we’re at it, perhaps we can have cyber chefs prepare said food? They could even be pre-programmed to offer snooty responses for when the prime rib gets sent back when it’s prepared improperly. (Insert haughty French accent here, and picture your favorite snooty robot waving a large cleaver. My choice is C3PO, of course.) “What do you mean it’s too rare! I’ll show you too rare! Sacre-bleu!”

Worse yet is trying to find your way around a tourist attraction, subway station, or similar. They have a person stationed at a booth titled “information.” Yet, when you approach, they hand you a card with a QR code printed there, so you can scan it and get the information you require. What?! Of course, once you’ve done that and the information pops up, you still need to ask the person at the booth for more specifics, which they respond to by handing you another QR code Ugh!

And don’t get me started on the user-friendly aspect of these codes! You know, when you try to scan said black and white square of nonsensical design, and nothing happens? Then, you need to signal the “server” to come back―now in a huff that you’ve distracted them from pointing out another QR code to another customer―to explain how easy it is and demonstrates with their far-superior phone camera. There you go, Boomer, enjoy your chicken tenders.

Alrighty then! That’s enough for today, although I suppose I’ll sum up the above rants into some positive life lessons for the three or four of you still tuning in.

1. Try not to judge others too harshly, and/or exhibit tolerance of others and their habits. After all, I do understand what someone is trying to say when they use supposably, right? Just let it go, man!

2. Dig deeper to discover uses for things in your life, and be thankful we have such gadgets to make our lives easier. Why, just the other day, I used one twist tie to tidy up a power cord near my desk. Look at me go! Only 4,387 more to find uses for.

3. I’m not sure about the positive QR code lesson. I guess it’s to be grateful for the ecologically-friendly paper savings? Yeah, let’s go with that. Oh, and if you want to learn more about saving paper, scan this QR code…

Thank you for humoring my attempts at humor, folks. And, hey, whatever you are, be a good one.

-Dave